Saturday, August 20, 2011

God outsmarts me yet again...

So tonight I just decided I would fall off the wagon. I was having a bad day (thanks to Mother Nature we will just say) and in desperate need of chocolate. One of my best friends just moved into a new apartment and while grocery shopping I thought to myself "What better way to say congrats on the move than with a chocolate cake!" Fully thinking in my head "She'll ask me to eat some and I can't be rude, I will say yes and get my chocolate fix." So I drop off her son (who went with me shopping) and proceed to hand her the cake and say "Congrats on moving to a new place!" Suprised she says "Thanks" and places the cake on the counter. Normally any other night we would have dived in but she proceeded to unpack more boxes and I helped get my nephew ready for bed. It wasn't until after I got in my car to come home it hit me... "We didn't eat the cake." Then I started laughing because did I really NEED the cake? NO! And even when I thought I was being tricky and going about it to try to get what I thought I wanted, God stepped in yet again and managed to trick me right back! I thank him for doing so because I know if I had eaten the cake I would have felt badly and layed the guilt trip on myself as thick as icing was on that cake. He could have allowed me to give in but he didn't. It makes me think of 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
This verse was spoken very clearly to me tonight and was shown through action. He is amazing and I will succeed with my goals as long as he with me.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


I haven't been able to blog because blogspot has been down... but lots has been going on in my life and in my heart lately.

I am for the first time truely experiencing the freedom that comes from full trust in God. Not just in food choices but also in every aspect of life. I turned down a job (the only one I was offered at the time) because I knew it was not where God wanted me and He confirmed it through other people. And even though I'm a little concerned because I am still seeking employment I know that God is going to provide and meet our needs. The feeling I felt when I stepped out in faith and did what I knew was right was a feeling I had never had before. Some people think I'm crazy but I know it was the right thing to do. He has already provided me with an opportunity to make money this week while I am still searching.

Now comes the food side... This week has been a bad week for me when it comes to food choices... I caught myself eating out of anxiety or emotion and was able to stop myself but still found myself frusterated at the fact that I started in the first place! But I am proud of myself that I was able to realize what I was doing and stop myself. I joined an accountabilty group and I had to think of some goals for myself so I thought that I would share them on here:
1. healthy choices - not giving into cravings or peer pressure from friends to eat when not hungry or because "it sounds good"
2. not eating out of emotion - focus on fueling my body
3. exercise 5 times a week
4, be down at least 1 pant size by christmas - currently a 18 sometimes 16 and would like to be a consistent 16 sometimes 14 (complete goal is a size 10/12 but baby steps)
5. read my Bible and have personal devo time every morning, be able to find God in 3 things every day

So anyone who reads this feel free to ask me how I'm doing! I'm nervous because I have never been a part of an accountability group. There's a part of me (the flesh side) that is saying "If you do this they will ask, they will know when you mess up. You will have to think twice before you eat that cookie." but there's the part of my heart that say "You NEED this, it's to help you, you can be better than this." So here we go on a new step of the journey. Excited and nervous but knowing God will provide and be glorified!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Under Construction...

Several things have happened this week. It has been a hard week and while I have been able to keep myself from eating out of emotion I haven't been on my guard about eating the correct foods. While I have been feeling convicted about it and admit that my efforts have been half hearted in this journey so far I am pleased to announce that not only do I feel better but I was able to wear a skirt today that I wasn't able to zip up during the school year. I can tell that my body is already changing and feel like crap when I eat poorly.

Yesterday I went and watched a friend of mine run a half marathon. While I don't plan on becoming that hard core it did inspire me to follow my dream of being a runner. Who says I can't become athletic? Is it just something our society came up with? If you're not "athletic" that's it you can't succeed at anything active. I feel like that's how we are conditioned to think. I grew up thinking I wasn't "athletic" and it wasn't until I talked to a PE Ed prof I had in college that it clicked that I could do it. I was thinking about that conversation this morning. I was talking to my prof about how I played volleyball in highschool but wasn't really athletic. She responded with a "says who?". I never felt like an athlete. I didn't train hard or eat super healthy, I wasn't super skinny or made of muscle. So here we go. Following my dreams of becoming a runner! Already have a 5k planned that I will start by running and walk when I need to.

Driving my husband to work this afternoon an Addison Road song came on that spoke to me in ways it never has before. It talks about being a "change in the making" and being "under construction" and I feel like that really explains where I am in my life right now in every aspect. Thus the title of today's blog.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


The past few days have been rough. Stress at work and with life have made it really hard to stick to healthy eating plan instead of falling back to old habits. I have found though that the more strict I am about tracking what I eat the more healthy I do eat.

I was convicted today to find a workout and stick with it. While talking with a friend from work about "freshman fifteen" she was talking about how she plans on staying healthy, working out and not gaining it. I was inspired by her! Especially considering college is where I gained a lot of my weight that I am now trying to get rid of! So now the start of trying different workouts and see what works best for me!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

End of Week 1

Week 1 is over. Feeling better already and I can tell I am definately more aware of my food choices. Been logging and turning to prayer when tempted to eat when not needed. Breaking these habits is REALLY hard! I am still very motivated and can already tell where I have improved and where I am still weak. I have improved on being more aware of what I am eating and when I'm eating (hunger vs emotions) and turning more to God not even when it comes to food but in general. Sweets are still getting me though!
I read a chapter about working out this today and it really hit home. I would love to become someone who works out everyday but when it comes to actually doing it I lose motivation. Praying for energy and motivation this week to workout more and to get more active.

Bring on week 2!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Day 3 / Day 4 : Not so good.

Tonight I feel a bit defeated in this whole thing. I know the journey is just beginning but it's so hard already.
Last night I didn't want to go somewhere because of teenagers that were hanging around. I was so concerned with what they would think of me. I was so mad at myself because these kids that I don't even know should be the last thing I worry about. I struggle so much with the fear of being judged and last night it became very clear how great that fear is.

Today I started out healthy but by dinner time I just didn't want to put forth the effort to make healthy choices... I was looking for convience. I am frusterated with myself but know that this journey is about become who God wants me to be and yearning for Him more than anything. With His help I will come out of this journey successful and closer to Him!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Day 2: Rough

Today was full of challenges! Lots of emotions from just life in general brought the full extent of my relationship with food into light. I knew I depended on food as a crutch but I didn't realize how much. Today I was having a mini emotional meltdown and the first thing that popped into my mind was "I just want some peanut M & M's and a slushi". I was horrified that this was my first thought was about food when I was feeling upset! I was able to get through it without turning to food and was able to pray through it, it was a real eye opening experience for me. God is bigger than anything I am going through and he is in control of all of it. I am slowly learning to turn and trust in Him instead of in other things (such as a slushi).